2012 and My Quarter-Life Crisis

So there’s only a few hours left to go til the new year and I have to admit, I’m sitting around like a misery guts embroiled in what can only be described as a quarter (or perhaps a third?) life crisis. Like many of us, the end of each year forces me to review my achievements and failings and put together a half-arsed plan, usually in the form of new year’s resolutions, about how I would like life to be from now on. And how would I like it to be, I hear you ask? Well firstly, I would like to have a creative job for which I am respected, and which pays better than the pitiful minimum wage on which I’m currently surviving. Secondly, I would like more adventures – which sadly refers back to the first as the lack of money in my life tends to curtail the number of adventures I’m able to have. Thirdly, I would like to feel as though I’m not just another clone on the treadmill grinding slowly towards retirement, I would like to actually do something which I loved so much I never felt like I was working at all. The catalyst for this maelstrom of questions and indecision was the announcement a few weeks ago that the day centre in which I work was going to be cutting its staff. This sent a shockwave of gloom through all of us and caused me to recognise that this has been a common pattern in almost every job I’ve had in the care sector over the past 5 years. At some point or other, everyone’s hours get cut, because the sector relies hugely on public money and apparently in this current economic climate the bankers need it more than the vulnerable people.

So the long term plan is: get out of care work and start working for myself. But how? What can I do? What can I offer that people will pay me enough for to cover my rent, phone bill, my decadent tea habit, and etc? For the past few days this question has been bouncing around my brain and as a result I feel well and truly exhausted and lost. The biggest problem for me is that I can do a lot of things adequately, but I’m a specialist at nothing. That’s the old Gemini brain for you; spread incredibly thinly over such a variety of subjects that choosing one to focus on is a major decision.

Anyway, I was going to tell you all about some good things I’ve done this year and some things I want to do next year, but I’ve made myself too moody to write anymore so I think I’m going to drink some more tea and watch something funny til I cheer up.

Happy new year you lovely people 🙂

xXx

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Hey little buddy

Dickie found this little fella at Tesco! Apparently he came into the country on a crate of Pepsi and the security guard was about to throw him into the street when my hubs came along and rescues him. Welcome, the newest member of our menagerie

Dickie found this little fella at Tesco! Apparently he came into the county on a crate of Pepsi and the security guard was about to throw him into the street when my hubs came along and rescues him. Welcome, the newest member of our menagerie

21/12/2012- My Thoughts

I found Friday to be a very annoying, trying day in some respects. Sadly, the media had swallowed up a combination of ancient prophecies surrounding this date and regurgitated them in their own self-serving, sensationalist fashion. And hey, I’m not in the slightest bit surprised, but because this date had mattered so much to me for such a long time I found I took the dumbing down and sexing up approach very personally, not least because my work colleagues were vaguely aware that the Mayan prophecies meant something to me and so kept questioning me on the mechanics of how the world might end. I explained many times to many different people that yes, it would be an apocalypse, and no, apocalypse doesn’t mean what you think it means (it actually means ‘a lifting of the veil’ or ‘revelation’), and yes, this date is significant, and no, we’re not all going to die.

Now, that is not to say I was 100% confident of everything running as normal on 21st December! My partner and I had a ‘grab bag’ organised just in case, containing essentials like a compass, rope, water purification tablets and maps, as well as personal effects such as warm and waterproof clothes, my contact lenses and etc. We’ve always had this sitting under our bed but on Friday it came out and sat by the door, just in case. I suppose you could call us Doomsday Preppers of a sort, although we do it with a smile and a shrug, knowing we might sound crazy to you, but IF it happens, we’ll be prepared, as the boy scouts say.

Obviously it all passed without anything dramatic, momentus or eventful going off, and once again the skeptics laugh and tell those who were maybe slightly on edge about the whole thing that they’re actually just a bit mad and need to stop being so gullible and join them on the cynical side of the tracks. But to be honest, my beliefs haven’t been phased by the lack of an HBO-style end of season finale for civilisation. Its been a good 6 years since I was first made aware of the Mayan prophecies and calendars, and one thing that always struck me as interesting was the fact that, if the end of this 5000 years calendar cycle means for humanity a dramatic shift in consciousness (which is what us New Age-y folk believe), they got the ball park right! If you expected a big cataclysmic event to occur and to alter the principles and characteristics of human beings and the course of civilisation; well then, you’ve clearly never met a human! But consider the technological and sociological advances which have taken place over the past 100 years: the explosion of the human population due to better understanding of the body and disease; the internet giving us the ability to communicate with anyone else in the world, to share information and ideas and to broadcast our own versions of world events rather than relying on the bourgeois media to give us their capitalism agenda-ridden critique; the establishment of human rights legislation to protect people from their governments – think about what we have now, compared to what we had 100 years ago. In this last century we’ve seen the first legislative moves towards giving equality to women, the working class, minorities, and in some countries, non-indigenous people. We fight for the better treatment of the environment and non-human species, and many people inconvenience themselves entirely by eating only organic or cutting animal products from their diet and lifestyle completely. In this century thousands from all over Europe volunteered to fight Franco in the Spanish civil war. The availability of the television and radio to working class people meant that the reality of war was shown in the living rooms of the world and in the 60 and 70s Americans and people across the new world took to the streets to protest against the Vietnam war, and its through these actions that many claim the war was eventually lost. Similarly, two million people marched on London in protest against the Iraq war in 2003. These events did not directly affect those who protested, but they fought anyway, because they believed in helping their fellow human. Technology has immeasurably improved our communications, and that in itself has illuminated the highly compassionate, empathetic and loving side of human nature. Of course there is still work to be done, of course there are still atrocities in the world. But I believe the last century is unique in its spate of movements of mass philanthropy and that, to me, suggests we’re on the right track.

The universe doesn’t work like it does in Hollywood films. One grand dramatic gesture won’t ever sweep in and change the course of history in an instant. The universe has been around for 13 billion years and will be here for many trillion yet, and it works a lot slower than we humans with our puny 80-year lifespans! We are constantly growing and changing and transforming. Have faith and simply be love. The shift is happening.